Well crap, marriage, i have decided to talk about marriage. That's kinda how my marriage started out, like crap, that's why when i think of it that's the first thing i think of. This had nothing to do with my husband, he was great on the day of my wedding. He was a big old ball of tears, i couldn't look at him because i just couldn't take this whole wedding business seriously. I really didn't want a formal wedding with lots of guests for this reason. I did everthing i could not to look at him or i'd laugh. I guess you could say I;m not the typical bride. But my wedding wasn't your typical wedding, I mean everything i planned turned out to be typical or should i say cookie cutter, even though i tried my hardest to keep it from being that way.
We were gonna get married on top of half dome in Yosemite. That way it could be the intimate occasion that i think wedding should be, i think receptions and the after party should be shared, not the ceremony. It should be a private moment between man and wife.
Well, two big things stopped me from getting the intimate wedding I wanted on top of a huge ass mountain. First MY FATHER, you know the man paying for half my wedding, yeah that's kind of a big thing, he insisted that i have my wedding for all my family to attend and that it wouldn't be fair if he couldn't walk me down the isle in front of all my family and friends. Then SECOND but definitely the reason that put the final nail in the coffin for me not getting my mountain top wedding was...drum-roll please.......I got PREGNANT!!! Yep took my BC out one month before half dome wedding and got pregnant 3 weeks later. Took us 2 years to conceive our first daughter and 6 months to conceive our second, and a total of one damn ovulation to conceive my main man Baby Jesse!!!
Well, two big things stopped me from getting the intimate wedding I wanted on top of a huge ass mountain. First MY FATHER, you know the man paying for half my wedding, yeah that's kind of a big thing, he insisted that i have my wedding for all my family to attend and that it wouldn't be fair if he couldn't walk me down the isle in front of all my family and friends. Then SECOND but definitely the reason that put the final nail in the coffin for me not getting my mountain top wedding was...drum-roll please.......I got PREGNANT!!! Yep took my BC out one month before half dome wedding and got pregnant 3 weeks later. Took us 2 years to conceive our first daughter and 6 months to conceive our second, and a total of one damn ovulation to conceive my main man Baby Jesse!!!
So now back to my shitty wedding day story and why i love weddings just as long as they aren't mine. Now i have to plan a typical wedding, so of course i have the famous pinterest wedding board that i think all women have. All the perfect little things i'm gonna do, all the unique little touches to make it different. First off, no one really gives a shit, a few women might or your great Aunt that is 70 and flew in from Ohio, but really, us women put all this effort into our perfect pinterest wedding but in the end nobody is really gonna remember all the hard work and all the cute touches. Plus my Gosh that shit is expensive, EVERY - LITTLE - THING adds up. you can go from a $5000 budget to a $15000 budget in just 3 damn pinterest pins (pinterest is the root of all evil when it comes to wedding budgets) So i search for hours upon hours for the best deals online and in stores for lights, and lanterns, and candles and pebbles and flowers. I swear i never wanted to see a damn computer screen again after all this wedding planning was done. Anyways, so finally i got it all done and planned, got all the stuff, have venue paid for, cake sorta made, reception decorated with all my frugal priced decor, invitations have all been sent out and rsvp's have been counted, caterer hired and ready to go, bridesmaids and grooms men set up and no their places.
We are so close to show time and its the night before the wedding. Get in a small fight over milk with my Mom AKA one of my Bridesmaids/My Best Friend. So her and her Husband AKA my wedding march acoustic guitar player leave to go stay in a hotel. Wedding day arrives but my mother doesn't. The clock hits 1 o'clock But one of my most important bridesmaids never shows up. So i walk down the crappy isle (after crying for hours, waiting, hoping and praying my mother would show up), with my Father who is wearing sunglasses i asked him not to wear, and the red tie he wore at my brothers wedding when i specifically asked him to wear the gold one sense my wedding colors were gold and purple. I walk down the crappy isle to my closest friends and family trying their best to hum the wedding march out of tune sense my stepfather didn't show up to play his acoustic version of the wedding march. We forgot the flower petals that the flower girls AKA my daughters were supposed to sprinkle down the isle. So at the last minute my cousin ran to the car and grabbed them and through the pile in the middle of the isle when we got to the end of the isle.
Good news though, got married without a hitch, no objections, husband cried at the beautiful site of his bride, and we got married and lived happily ever after. Until 30 min later when we arrived at the reception and My father went from a fancy suit to a Hawaiian t-shirt, khaki shorts and strappy river sandles. And that's exactly what he wore for are beloved Father-Daughter dance. Which the father daughter song got lost in the Ipod so we had to improvise with one of the 20 songs that didn't get lost. many more blunders happened but we can skip those.
We are so close to show time and its the night before the wedding. Get in a small fight over milk with my Mom AKA one of my Bridesmaids/My Best Friend. So her and her Husband AKA my wedding march acoustic guitar player leave to go stay in a hotel. Wedding day arrives but my mother doesn't. The clock hits 1 o'clock But one of my most important bridesmaids never shows up. So i walk down the crappy isle (after crying for hours, waiting, hoping and praying my mother would show up), with my Father who is wearing sunglasses i asked him not to wear, and the red tie he wore at my brothers wedding when i specifically asked him to wear the gold one sense my wedding colors were gold and purple. I walk down the crappy isle to my closest friends and family trying their best to hum the wedding march out of tune sense my stepfather didn't show up to play his acoustic version of the wedding march. We forgot the flower petals that the flower girls AKA my daughters were supposed to sprinkle down the isle. So at the last minute my cousin ran to the car and grabbed them and through the pile in the middle of the isle when we got to the end of the isle.
Good news though, got married without a hitch, no objections, husband cried at the beautiful site of his bride, and we got married and lived happily ever after. Until 30 min later when we arrived at the reception and My father went from a fancy suit to a Hawaiian t-shirt, khaki shorts and strappy river sandles. And that's exactly what he wore for are beloved Father-Daughter dance. Which the father daughter song got lost in the Ipod so we had to improvise with one of the 20 songs that didn't get lost. many more blunders happened but we can skip those.
So basically, these are many reasons why weddings are crap, or not all weddings but just MY wedding. Weddings are usually wonderful and fun, there are just a few pieces of advice i have for you to avoid having a crap wedding like mine:
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